Black & Kinky Amongst Brown Waves


on this 4th day of July
July 4, 2016, 3:13 pm
Filed under: love, music

i’m unpacking many thoughts on this 4th day of July. there is terror and suffering in so many corners of this city, nation, globe… we can and must do better as a human family. there is only this moment and we need to act now.

2016-06-16 21.36.17

hearts beat on
© 2016 by margaux delotte-bennett

they have started
the tears for Orlando
the tears for myself

all week they has been under the surface
pulsating through veins
weary of having to pen
another mass shooting poem

tears for the girl
whose first serious boyfriend was bisexual
years before she knew
that identity defined her
as well

tears for nights spent sweating my prayers
in living rooms
community centers
clubs, big & small
in America
South Africa
El Salvador

looking around at the rainbow
seeing my full self reflected
& celebrated
having crushes that transcended gender
& orientation
learning about femininity from drag queens
seeing nurturing & tenderness in gay men’s embrace
finally understanding
why lesbian & loyalty
start with the same letter

these days
I’m more sexual than merely bi
but the alphabet soup of the queer community
is home
is hearth & hunger
is homage & healing

this world is not safe for too many that I cherish
including myself
we have to demand changes that will ensure
all of our survival

our outrage is justified
& our silence
has never
protected us

since we still have a pulse
breath
love & grit
there is work that we desperately
need to do

right

now

2016-06-16 21.35.56

 

this song has been haunting me all week… just wanted to take a moment to share its majesty with you. it’s perfect for the complicated nature/ narrative of “freedom” in these united states:

“America” by Prince & The Revolution

Yeah
Peace!

Aristocrats on a mountain climb
Making money, losing time
Communism is just a word
But if the government turn over
It’ll be the only word that’s heard

America, America
God shed his grace on thee
America, America
Keep the children free

Little sister making minimum wage
Living in a 1-room jungle-monkey cage
Can’t get over, she’s almost dead
She may not be in the black
But she’s happy she ain’t in the red

America, America
God shed his grace on thee
America, America
Keep the children free

Freedom
Love
Joy
Peace

Jimmy Nothing never went 2 school
They made him pledge allegiance
He said it wasn’t cool
Nothing made Jimmy proud
Now Jimmy lives on a mushroom cloud

America, America
God shed his grace on thee
America, America
Keep the children free

America, America
God shed his grace on thee
America, America
Keep the children free

Freedom
Love
Joy
Peace

Boom, boom, boom, boom
The bomb go
Boom, boom, boom, boom
The bomb go boom.
Teacher, why won’t Jimmy pledge allegiance?



in the 6th month of 2016…
June 19, 2016, 6:01 pm
Filed under: family, love

greetings.

things have once again been quiet around these parts, but I am writing and creating and living out in the world.  i didn’t want this month to end without at least one post…

I just got off the phone with mum and rev (my stepdad), the two souls primarily responsible for all of the fathering i have receive throughout the years. earlier this year I lost a father figure, so I’m feeling reflective and grateful in this moment. I thanked my parents for their hard work and I shared this poem that I wrote for rev over the phone.  it was well received. enjoy.

 

first father’s day
© 2016 by margaux delotte-bennett

I know the exact day that
you became my father

this was a big moment
because I had already known you
for years

I had lost the one who fathered me
when I was 2
not because of a physical death
but a relationship
withered and weary
eliciting tears before resting in peace
but that is another poem
for another time

I vividly remember the day you became
my father

not because
you loved our mother
and cherished our dog

you had already married
and moved in
and made our home
yours

you became my father
because when you had come to visit me with mum

that summer in DC
it was particularly hectic
another transgender woman had been murdered
those still homeless since Reagan closed the state institutions
were particularly aggressive
frighteningly hungry
and DC was it’s hot and sticky summer self

we drove by a crime scene
a man was dead and lying on the ground
I remember the echoing clack
of you automatically shutting all of the doors
swerving ever so slightly to the left
so less could be seen out of our
tightly closed windows

and I thought
oh
so this is what it means
to be the daughter
of a man



december is about reflection and renewal
December 20, 2015, 12:42 pm
Filed under: love, relationships, self reflection

I was at a birthday brunch this weekend and someone said that they were looking forward to some reflection and renewal in the coming weeks. something inside of me said, “hooray! those are the words i’ve been searching for in this time of catching up, connecting, ordering and being still.” I hope that your holiday season is full of what you need, but that deep reflection and renewal are included for you and yours.

this poem is based on a true story and seems to fall under the ‘reflection’ category.  our dreams can teach us so much if we are able to tap into their magic…

be well!

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dream lessons while sleep talking
© 2015 by margaux delotte-bennett

you are haunting me in my dreams
the one I used to love

this morning I had to resist
joining lips to lips
the hushed and hungry whisper I once knew
and listened for
implored me for a kiss

one with the perfect pressure
that even my bones remember
cellular memory
elemental desire

I said no

I was firm

and once again
you wanted to know
why

why I could not give you what you desired
when you requested it

it was always about you
I see that now
I should have seen it then

and even my dream self knew my no
was a lie
denying what I used to
need
cellular desire
elemental memory

wants and needs are seldom
synonymous

your dream self wrote
something in the palm of my hand
closed it tight
I still don’t know what it was
or could be

yet as I awaken
my hand is open

it is open
like my heart
to new possibilities
that no longer
revolve around
you



A brand new poem for a brand new year…
January 7, 2015, 7:57 pm
Filed under: kinks, love

what your hands hold
(c) 2015 by margaux delotte-bennett

I have told you before
but I don’t think you heard me

how your well placed hand
braids my frayed and tattered edges

around and over
connection
over and through
weaving
placed with care
ordered

your touch brings breath
to parts of me
I didn’t know were waiting
to gasp
as you grasp
adding air to
heart and lungs
feeling
full

it doesn’t really matter where

my knee
the side of my neck
brushing the underside of my belly
just there

it is always welcome
after being sorely missed
whether for minutes
or days

my mind plays tricks
and my body moves
to place itself in line with where your hand may fall
or drift
or rest

I am always ready for a call to worship

a laying on of hands



from the other side of my moon
October 14, 2014, 6:29 am
Filed under: love, relationships

from the other side of my moon
(C) 2014 by margaux delotte-bennett

there is a cavern in my heart so still
that nothing can be said or done to fill

the yawning space that glistens with tears
reverently tended by me for too many years

I sit with the emptiness of lonely nights
and days of laughter tinged with fright

hoping the best of days have not all but passed
and mine is the heart quietly discarded for last



a poem: intentions
February 25, 2014, 11:10 pm
Filed under: love, relationships

intentions
© 2014 by margaux delotte-bennett

I have never
intentionally
broken a glass

like I have never
intentionally
broken a heart

don’t know
if that is a testament
to my temperament
or my fear

things shattered with
conviction
are offensive

the clean up
more exhaustive

and the feelings
take so much longer
to fade

who really has time

for all that
mess?



a new poem: this heart
February 9, 2014, 3:15 pm
Filed under: love, relationships

this heart
© 2014 by margaux delotte-bennett

 

“the heart is the first organ to become fully formed in the human body” – Milagros Phillips

this heart beats
a rumble when full
when longing, a squeak

this heart cracks
seemingly whole & elastic,
spacious & vast

this heart breaks
at times lost & alone
giving more than it takes

this heart cries
gloom blocks out the light
filling chambers with sighs

this heart stands
holding space for the possible
giving maybe a chance

this hearts heals
fortified by its past
rooted in now to feel

this heart soars
holding tight to its dreams
slowly opening doors