Black & Kinky Amongst Brown Waves


poem of the week: in memorium
August 10, 2013, 1:04 pm
Filed under: DC life, self reflection

i attended a friend’s funeral recently. it was awful. i have been unsuccessfully trying to write this piece for the last month.  after a burst of inspiration i wanted to complete this poem last weekend, but i wasn’t sure where it was going or what it was trying to say. today it worked its way through me and here it is.

 

when she told me you were gone
© 2013 by margaux delotte-bennett

the sadness wasn’t so heavy at first
it had been a while since we connected
only seeing your silly faces on facebook
hearing updates from time to time
fleeting thoughts about
needing to get together
needing to reconnect
coming and going from the forefront of my mind

the sadness wasn’t so heavy at first
but it started to gain weight
as thoughts about all of the dreams
that would go unfulfilled
all the laughter that would
no longer be shared
all the “you know I love you” admissions
that would no longer reach these ears
in your distinct voice

the sadness wasn’t so heavy at first
but it eventually knocked me down
shook my understanding to the core
forces salty hot tears
and whys
and hows
to escape my face nestled in my hands

I can’t imagine what you had been thinking
or the pain you might have been in
or the ways in which this life
forced you to give out
give up
give in
and allow the sadness to
permanently paint a brushstroke
across your memory
while taking all of our breath away
ours
for a moment
yours
for an eternity

the sadness wasn’t so heavy at first
but it now sits
and simmers
and stares into the part of my heat
where you will forever reside

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